Distance in Marriage

“Missing someone can hurt. But when you know they are yours forever, negativity it helps avert.” ― Trishna Damodar

Looking back, I can't say that I was like most young girls who dreamt of a white fairytale wedding; who saw themselves in a wedding gown and envisioned every detail down to the style of shoe and beadings on their veil. Me, I was dreaming of how to be a pirate (yes, you read that right) after hours playing in my grandfather's yard, atop lumber and sitting on the highest limb of the mango tree that took root in the centre of the pile, with my feet dangling below as my eyeball pierced through my make-shift telescope, I wanted to be a pirate like all the one's I learnt of during my Social Studies lessons.

I dreamt of many things. Becoming an author, a veterinarian, a world-renowned chef who served the meanest burger with a scarlet/hog-plum glaze that was to die for. So imagine how I must have felt after not having some dream to draw inspiration from after my engagement last year. I was ECSTATIC! to say the least; I got to dream of how I wanted my wedding to be and to share in the planning experience with the love of my life. The process was fun, challenging and amazing and the day was nothing short of a fairytale.

Now that we've been married for a month, we have been dealing with our first challenge. Just like everything else in my life-far from traditional-I find myself writing this tearful because I'm missing my husband. The week before our wedding, Abaco and Grand Bahama experienced the monster storm Dorian. That was the first challenge. Talk about a faith builder. I'll discuss more of this in a subsequent post. But it was truly a test that I believe prepared A and myself for what was to come next.

For most persons,  things appear to fall into place instantly post wedding day; you know, fly away to the lovely honeymoon, return to a cozy residence and commence life as newlyweds with all of the challenges that come with that. For me however, distance now stands between us, and our honeymoon has been delayed.  But we're delighted in the fact that God remained faithful through it all.

Distance isn't something that we're new to. Far from it, but this for some reason is now different. The longing to be together more than ever, to experience new eateries, sunsets, day trips and grocery shopping (yeah we're cheesy that way) are just more pressing. Maybe it's because I'm more aware of my age now or maybe because of hurricane Dorian and the fact that time is short and spending as much time with those we love while we can is vital.

 It's times when trials arise and we're apart facing the giants together through prayer, countless video and voice calls, texts and even emails that I'm reassured that things will work out how they're supposed to when they're supposed, and then it hits me; "Remember when you prayed for patience and lessons that will help with my transformation into a more patient, virtuous woman," hmmm...now, I'm learning to be sure to add a disclaimer with my prayers "whatever way you see fit to teach me this lesson, make me strong to endure the test."

Although, I'm tearful, I'm also comforted in knowing that I'm not alone during this time. My family has been so supportive. As curious and concerned as everyone is as to when we'll both be in once place comfortably, it's annoying and irritating because WE DON'T KNOW! and sometimes not knowing is okay. It strengthens our faith because now our next move is solely dependant upon God's guidance.

I would be lying if I were to say we're fine; because we're not. We're wanting to be together more than ever, but we're doing our best to make the most of our current situation because this IS NOT permanent. It's exciting to know that there are options however daunting they may be, but we must be patient. This is the lesson and we're learning to be just that.


Are you facing a challenge or difficulty as a newlywed? Have you experienced long-distance at any point in your marriage? How did you cope? I'd be glad to hear your story, if you're willing to share. 

There will be future posts related to my wedding and how we planned it during my internship years and all the do's and don'ts I picked up along the way. Be sure to sign up for email notifications if you haven't done so already.

Called to Succeed

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Recently I've found myself in an unusual position-STUCK IN LIMBO! As this process is unfolding and teaching me patience, I am caught continuously asking myself "Cara, what is it that God is calling you to do in this season?"

As a not so new medical school graduate, working on a research project and waiting for the next move, I am surprised at the existence of such a mediocre, backward-thinking healthcare system that is sadly, crumbling from the top down. Can you picture the travesty? It is under these working conditions over the last year that I have found myself more compelled to re-evaluate my calling and the path to get there.

My mind finds its way to this quarter's Sabbath school lesson-exploring the lives of Ezra and Nehemiah and how God called each man to a specific task and how they responded. Prior to this, each man had to do several things in order to succeed at their calling.

Preparing For Your Calling

1. PREPARATION

Ezra 7:10: Ezra had prepared his heart to seek the Lord prior to embarking on his calling. This is vital in any avenue of life. By preparing our hearts we not only dedicate ourselves to the task at hand, but we mentally prepare ourselves to whatever it takes to execute it. Seeking the Lord before any task is always important, as the best council we can receive is that from the Lord, for He knows the plans He has for our lives; he wants to be apart of all of our decisions because He wants nothing more for us than to see us succeed. 

2. FAST & PRAY

Nehemiah 1:1-11: Fasting is something I am still getting use to. It seems that the minute your mind is made up to fast and pray so that you would be able to hear God speak, is when you have everything in the world to do and there's everything you were craving now at your finger tips. 

There are all sorts of material on how to fast and the different types of fasts that you can do, but the best way is to start small. Fasting from social media for a certain amount of time each day or each evening, or to refrain from consuming certain drinks or food products until you're able to do full day fasts. 

The benefits of fasting are extensive, but as we can see from the story of Nehemiah, when he fasted and prayed, he made all of his requests known to God and he not only made God aware of his plans, but he petitioned the throne of grace on behalf of the brethren and repented of his sins. He also brought before God, all of the promises and held Him to His word. From this, it is important for us to practice this type of praying especially when we are on the verge of answering God's calling. 

Make God aware that you are willing, and you are going to hold him to His promises of never leaving your side through the journey. 

3. STICK TO THE TIMELINE

Daniel 9:24-27: Be sure to dedicate time to conquering the task at hand. This not only hold you accountable but it ensures you are not distracted and not a victim of procrastination. 

In this chapter of Daniel, there was a time to finish transgression and a time to make an end of sins and repent. Very serious stuff! We can see that when we are called to a task, regardless of what it is, the time we commit to getting it done, especially once it is brought before God is no laughing matter. 

I can recall the moment like it was yesterday when I received my admission letter to medical school. The degree would take 5 years of my life. Immediately my mind began racing, trying to map out how I would finance it all and whether or not I would be able to complete it in the 5 years required. Before announcing to my family, after my shift ended and on my drive home that night from work, I began to speak to God. God, this is it. You made this possible. I am dedicating the next 5 years to completing this degree, no more and no less. Make it happen, provide financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually like I know only you can. If this wasn't in your plan I know you wouldn't have answered my prayer. 

Needless to say, He kept his promise and provided. Was it all a bed of roses and filled with luxurious trips around the world on breaks? Not at all. It was a rollercoaster. The one where it feels like you're ready for it until you reach the pinnacle and on the verge of a monstrous drop that goes on for more than a minute. I faced all sorts of tests. Tests of defect, rejection, isolation, depression and of course contemplated throwing in the towel more times than I could count. But the timeline was set and the goal was to complete it and by God's power I made it. 

Setting a timeline and sticking to it, results in increased productivity because you become dedicated to getting it done and you then become free to new callings once the goal is met. 

4. BE AWARE OF OPPOSITION & OPEN TO CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

Daniel 8:1-27: While we are succeeding in our calling, opposition will come. You will feel as though you're a bunching bag for an MMA fighter. This should be expected. Don't dwell on it. Continue in your calling the best you can. 

There will be persons placed along your journey who will provide sound wisdom and constructive criticism to help in your calling. Seek discernment to know the difference, otherwise you'll be like a fool, taking advice from anyone with a mouth and an opinion. 

5. KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD

Romans 8: 28-29: Remain grounded and keep your plan before the Lord and as you work your plan, be encouraged because all things do work together. Of course it will require dedication, commitment and lots of humility, but with consistency and steadfastness, you will see God work things out for your good! 

In addition to the aforementioned, the lesson brought home the following points for me: 

1. Sometimes our calling is NOT a bed of roses.  God may prepare us for our calling through education or experiences, we must be up to whatever means He chooses. 

2. The reason we are called may be due to our willingness and humility. Are you finding yourself stuck in a rut, not experiencing new challenges? Have you checked your relationship with God recently? Re-evaluation helps ensure we are growing with Christ. 

3. No matter the calling, if we are not willing or humble we may very well miss out on the reward. There will be something that distracts us, keeps us depressed and unmotivated and further away from success until we find ourselves looking to ourselves for ways to succeed which as we all know leads to failure in one way or another at some point or another. 

Ezra and Nehemiah's calling was to a) rebuild the temple, b) to teach the people about God and c) to guide them back to a committed relationship with Him. As Christians, b) and c) are automatic callings. It's not always easy to know what we are being called to do, but it does get easier the more we spend time adjusting our schedule to give ourselves time to learn God's voice through daily communion with Him. 

In what ways have you experienced the reality that God is calling you? Have you been answering or running away from your calling? 

Internship Secrets: Bahamas Edition

“The average person will never help you become better than them on purpose.” 
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

After years of dedication and commitment to completion of a medical degree, most new doctors look forward to their internship year. Why? Well for most it's more than a rite of passage, it is a means of achieving new goals and becoming one step closer to their ultimate goal of consultancy, financial freedom and the ability to practice medicine in the private sector where they can set their own hours and enjoy a better means of life.

Most of you may be ignorant to the fact that in the Caribbean, internship year is not necessarily considered as a year filled with personal and career growth, but more of a year of misery, disrespect and dreaded belittling.

In the Bahamas, there is one public hospital on the island of New Providence; The Princess Margaret Hospital. Over the last decade the internship program has seen many changes which hospital administration and past and present Ministers of Health have mandated. There has been implementation of rankings which means that as a graduate of the University of The West Indies, you are no longer automatically given a spot in the internship program, regardless of the fact that the government financed your tuition for the last 5 years.  Imagine the frustration.

Recently, the Bahamas Doctor's Union utilised their strike vote, which allowed all Junior Physicians to leave the hospital grounds until matters were resolved. You can read more about it here.  So as a new physician, looking to work in the Bahamian system, find below an outline of what to expect as it's not always a bed of roses in paradise.

Everything, everyone failed to mention about Internship Year in The Bahamas

1. Application Process

Prior to the start of internship year, everyone seeking employment as an intern (also known as a House Officer) at the Princess Margaret Hospital which falls under the Public Hospital Authority (PHA)Unit, is required to fill out an application which can be obtained from the Hospital Administrators office or the PHA Corporate office or online here. It would be in your best interest to keep a copy for your records as paper documents often are misplaced. 

2. Duration of Internship

The internship program runs for one year starting in July of each year. It is broken down into three month increments and divided over the four core specialty rotations; Internal Medicine, Surgery, Obstetrics and Gynaecology and Paediatrics. 

The incoming internship group is divided into an even number of persons which would allow for ten persons to be allotted to each specialty for the designated timeframe. Last year was the first year where it was mandatory for two persons of each group to complete their rotation in the sister hospital on the island of Grand Bahama, at the Rand Hospital. Prior to this, an intern could request to complete a number of their rotations at the sister hospital. 

3. Purpose of Internship

Have you ever wondered where the term "intern" originate from? After performing a very superficial Google search, I found that it originated from the medical community. It was a term given to a doctor who held a medical degree but lacked a medical license prior to World War I.

It was then adopted by other professions and each profession tailored the purpose to suit the demands.

During our orientation week, we were informed that the sole purpose of the internship year was to gain clinical competence in the care of the adult/paediatric patient, with the "patient" being the curriculum.

Despite it feeling like everything but this, make it your duty, to learn guidelines and standard of care medicine even if it is not practiced. At the end of the day, successful completion of each specialties exam and gaining your internship completion certificate if the overall goal and your purpose.

4. Work Hours

Trust me here, as an intern your work week will equate to more than 40 hours. They will paint the lovely picture that your days is to commence at 8a.m. and end at 4 p.m. unless on calls. 

You will learn that you get to leave when your Senior House Officer or the team/service you are on no longer has work for you to do. Some areas and persons understand the meaning of teamwork and will ensure everyone has at least one day off per week, and that everyone leaves in a timely manner each day. Pray to work with those people! It will make learning material fun and interesting and will allow you time to read around your patients to have engaging discussions on consultant rounds. 

5. The System

The system is not one that is set in place to help you grow. I never thought I would be writing such a post but sadly, this is the reality. 

After working here, wanting to help my fellow Bahamians, the health-care system is deplorable. You will be frustrated, you will be exhausted and you will find yourself on your knees daily in intercessory prayer for your patients because there is so much that can be done but isn't and in the eyes of administration you're just an intern. 

In light of all of this, do your best to keep your personal development at the forefront. Please don't get buried in the system. It lasts but a year and before you know it you will be done with it. 

If you can afford to do so, make plans to sit the necessary board examinations prior to your final year in medical school (and yes you do have time). You won't regret it. 

Are you a new graduate? an intern? taking time off before internship? Let me hear from you. How's your journey been thus far?