FAILURE: The Option Least Acknowledged

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” 
― Winston S. Churchill

A new semester is now in full swing and in light of the recent withholding of grades by the lecturers of The University of The West Indies, we FINALLY received a provisional pass/fail list to settle the nerves of the student body. I'm still a bit frustrated that we aren't being shown our actual numerical grade, but I am relieved, now that I am aware of my standings after last semesters courses of Respiration and Central Nervous System which had its fair share of challenges. In light of the release of this pass/fail list, it made me think of others who may not have been as successful as others on our first semester's final examinations and how they must be feeling, and I wanted to share some words of encouragement.

As students we tend to work hard to excel and we often set goals that may be unattainable and we steer clear of the thought of failure. This habit of ours can be very detrimental, in that while we're seeing failure as a mistake that we should not and cannot make, in the event that we do fail we are not prepared to pick up the pieces, evaluate the situation that may have resulted in the failure and to cope with it.
Believe it or not failures do not equate to the end of the world, although at the time it can feel that way. Did you know that most successful people use their failures as their trampoline of sorts to achieve greater goals? Find below a few ways by which I use my failures to shape my future endeavors.

WAYS TO MAKE YOUR FAILURES WORK FOR YOU

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” 
― Winston S. Churchill

1. EMBRACE YOUR FAILURE

This may seem like a no-brainer, but it is vital to your mental psyche to embrace your failure. Cry a little, or a lot however do not spend too much time beating yourself up for missing the target. When I found myself focusing on the negative aspects of missing my mark, I had to realize why I was in so much pain and beating up myself so much. It was because I was more concerned with how I would be viewed by others, and how I didn't reach the expectations other persons had for my life, my academic career and achievements. Only when I decided to love myself despite not passing an exam was I able to focus on studying for the resit examination and how I would use this failure as a lesson.

2. RE-EVAULATE YOUR ORIGINAL PLAN OF ACTION

By re-evaluating your original plan of action which would include your set goals for the task at hand, you will be able to pin point what part of the plan may have contributed to you missing your goal and falling short. After I found out I had failed, I went to work to find out specifically what had contributed to my failure. For me it was taking on more things than I could have handled and as a result my allotted study time were shortened and I wasn't studying smarter when I did study. 

3. SHARE YOUR FAILURE WITH OTHERS

Believe it or not, this step was really hard for me to do because by sharing my failure with others, it meant that I would constantly acknowledge my failure and I would verbally be stating the true reason for failing. I never thought that when I first accepted my failure and decided to share with others, how it would have helped me prepare for my resit and the outpouring of motivational support I would receive from others who also failed. A network of support was created, and we were all forced in a sense to come out of our comfort zones. During this time, I also realized how strong a circle of friends I am blessed to have, and realized that I am a mere mortal like everyone else, who is capable of failing. 

4. LEARN FROM YOUR FAILURE

At the end of it all, the main goal is to learn from our failures. I'll admit, it can be difficult to re-group after failing, even painful. However, it is vital to take the necessary time to learn from our failures. My failing taught me to seriously think about how my study schedule may or may not be effected if I decide to sign up for any other extracurricular activities and to also weigh the pros and cons of my decisions. I've tend to rank things I am asked to do based upon its priorities and how my overall well-being will be effected. Right now my studies are holding the number one slot, with activities that would allow me to give of my time to assist others usually come second and everything else I weigh. 

Remember failure is apart of life and how we view it determines how successful we may or may not be. After all success isn't the sum of how many times you do not fail, but how many times after failing you do not give up but continue to pursue your dream and vision and work 'til the end.

Preparing to Climb a Mountain

“If you are faced with a mountain, you have several options. You can climb it and cross to the other side.
You can go around it. You can dig under it. You can fly over it. You can blow it up. You can ignore it and pretend it’s not there. You can turn around and go back the way you came. Or you can stay on the mountain and make it your home.” 
― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

As you prepare to face the mountain in your path, keep in mind that every medical school is different in terms of how you are taught and examined BUT in order to be licensed in the United States of America, we ALL have to sit the USMLE board examinations if we plan on obtaining residency positions there.

It is vital to know that preparation for these exams is a marathon and NOT a sprint, so be sure to invest in the necessary resources that appeal to you and do your research on the materials as there are many options.

Thus far, I have taken the Step 1 exam and have only just begun my preparation for Step 2 CK and CS, therefore I would only feel comfortable sharing advice for Step 1 preparation. I've broken them into a few sections for easier reading. 

RESOURCES

1. THE FIRST AID FOR THE USMLE STEP 1

The First Aid for the USMLE STEP 1 book was wonderful for me. I personally annotated it book as we went through different subject matter during the academic year; that way when it was time to really sit down and review for Step 1 the majority of what I needed to know was at my finger tips, in one place. Be mindful that there can be mistakes in these books but they strive to reduce them and if you find one, let the authors know and keep an eye out for when they release the errata for the version of the book you have. It outlines all of the errors that your edition may have and the corrections for them. 

2. PATHOMA

I personally also used Pathoma – it is great for pathology review for Step 1. It was a good supplement to my lectures.

3. DOCTORS IN TRAINING

I also used it to supplement my lectures. Lastly, I used Doctors in Training for my final review and I thought it was extremely helpful. 


There are so many options available out there, explore and see what might be a good option for you, and keep in mind what may work for others may not be the best study tools for you.

I hope this advice helps! I know for myself it is easier when looking back on the first two years that I can say be positive when it definitely wasn’t always easy, but you have to keep in mind the end goal. As you move along and the more clinical patient interaction you undertake the more reminders you will have of why you want this and why you are willing to make such a sacrifice.  

Mountain image courtesy of Zach Disner  and Flickr. 

The Road to Grande

“As you become your own advocate and your own steward, your life will beautifully transform.” 
― Miranda J. Barrett, A Woman's Truth: A Life Truly Worth Living

"Oh God! My foot! My foot! My foot!

Oh God! My foot! My foot! My foot!"

"Miss Dorsett, are you awake? We have to redraw a sample as it was hemolyzed and unable to be used for pre-surgical testing." 

I groggily peaked my head from the covers to face this person, who happened to be wearing a white coat and already poking around to find my hand in order to tie a tourniquet to retrieve a sample. Before I could ask who she was or to repeat what she had said, her next words were "now you'll just feel a prick", and just like that she had what she came for and vanished as quickly as she arrived and like clock work the cries of tanty in the bed behind resonated once again: 

"Oh God! My foot! My foot! My foot!

Oh God! My foot! My foot! My foot!"

So I wasn't dreaming! I frustratingly mouthed to myself as  I looked at my left hand and saw the IV being held down with surgical tape in the form of an "X".  Instantly the scene that had transpired earlier that morning in the clinic, replayed in my head. After my physical examination I had an episode of syncope when the doctor flushed the IV he placed seconds before. 

So I wasn't dreaming!

Fortunately, despite all of the events that occurred in the short span of time that my eyes were opened, I was able to get some sleep before being awakened again by another nurse and instructed to prepare for surgery. 

The parade of medical personnel doing their checks and talking around me as if I were unable to comprehend their words, was something I never imagined witnessing and certainly didn't appreciate. Throughout my entire hospital stay, there were 3 people overall, who made the effort to treat me as a person and not another body in a bed on the female medical ward.

My surgery was performed under local anesthesia (since that meant I would be discharged the same day) and I got to experience every poke, burn, conversation, cough, sneeze and power outage that occurred. I recall laying there with the operation room light blazing overhead and staring at the clock and thinking to myself, how the healthcare system in the Caribbean is in dire need of work, and the staff could use a few semesters of proper patient communication, surgical preparation etiquette and a very large dose of empathy. 

Following my experience as a patient, I vowed to conduct a self-evaluation at the end of my clinical skills sessions, and to practice from now, ways in which I can improve my communication skills which I hope will be reflected when I address my peers and colleagues, family and patients all of whom I am privileged to practice clinical examinations on, as a way to build a professional empathic repertoire.  

Here is a recap of what I learned from my Professionalism, Ethics and Communication in Healthcare (PECH) course over the last six semesters of medical school that are vital in being a great physician.

WHAT PECH HAS TAUGHT ME

1.RESPECT: The patient is a PERSON and as a result they deserve to be treated as such! 

2. EMPATHY: Place yourself in the patients shoes before you enter to speak to them. Spend a few minutes trying to feel their pain and confusion and tailor your time with them with that in mind. A little bit of empathy can change the outcome of an examination of the patient. 

3. STANDARD: Like everything else, we expect a certain level of standard when we go just about anywhere and it's no different when we have to receive healthcare. I mean why should healthcare of all things have a poor standard? I know in the public sector you can seldom change things solely within a matter of minutes, but you can ensure that the standard of care a patient receives while in your care is superb! Strive to treat every patient with the highest standard, as if you were treating the Queen. 

4. PUNCTUALITY: I've had a hard time with this last semester, especially on days when I didn't prepare for the next day's activity the night before. You recall that saying "time is money"? Well it's somewhat true. Time is very valuable and once wasted it cannot be regained, duplicated or multiplied. So ensure that you are very considerate of a person's time, from something as simple as arriving to lectures promptly, waking up when you should in order to beat the hustle at the maxi stop etc. This is definitely one area of my life I would like to improve upon in 2015. 

5. EXPLAIN: This may seem very simple, but one thing my trip to the hospital opened my eyes to was that as Physicians even as medical students, we get caught up in all of our medical jargon and forget that although that may make us seem highly knowledgeable, it also doesn't do any good when you're throwing jargon around at a patient and they have no idea of what you're saying or what "hemoptysis" means. Think about the patient here and how likely they are to comply with treatment of their ailment if they do not understand what is being said, the meaning of certain terms or if they misinterpret what you're saying. Clear communication is key in patient compliance and understanding. 

6. COMMUNICATION: We do it everyday and sadly we don't know how often throughout a 24 hour period we get it completely wrong. Our non-verbal communication which consists of our kinesics (body language), haptics (touch), occulesics (eye contact), and  vocalics (tone of voice) are all vital in daily communication. As a medical student,  being aware of the nonverbal ques a patient gives can allows us  to tailor our questions when taking the history, and it can also alert whomever you are communicating with, to whether or not you are actively and attentively listening. Verbal communication is also powerful and important. Sadly, we fail to realize that what we communicate through our nonverbal ques tend to affect how we are perceived and are viewed by others, how well we are respected and liked by others and even whether or not we are trusted by others. 

7. TRUST: Once damaged, it is hard to be restored. Build a trusting relationship initially with your patients, peers and friends and continue to work to maintain their trust by being honest, patient, consistent and transparent. 

So don't wait until tomorrow to start improving on the small things like respecting others, and being a bit more caring and considerate of the other person. The sooner you make the changes necessary to improve your life, the sooner those changes will take root and become healthy habits! 

Year in Review: 50 Questions to Reflect, Appreciate and Get Excited for 2015

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.” 
― Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Now that the fireworks have been lit, and all Junkanoo groups got to show their stuff as they made their one lap around Bay and Shirley Streets, the New Year has begun! I hope that everyone enjoyed their holiday with friends and family.

I found the following questions at Barefoot Whispers and decided to reflect on my year and to relive some of the moments for a while.

A Look at 2014

1. What one big event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about? 
Earlier in the year, I experienced just about every emotion possible, and was tried during that second semester or medical school. I would say that during that time, I learned the importance of prayer and saw God answer the simplest of prayers I prayed. So I would definitely tell them about the power and importance of prayer not just when things are bad or you're being tried, but when things are right as well. 

2. If you had to describe your 2014 in 3 words, what would they be? 
Trials, tears and prayers

3. What new things did you discover about yourself?
I realized that I can't function fully if my surroundings are in a mess. I could be in the room, at my desk studying, but because I saw the kitchen with dishes in the sink that need to be cleaned (and it could be 1 cup), I wouldn't concentrate on my work until it was cleaned. I didn't realize how emotional I've become either, there were many times that I found myself overwhelmed with joy especially when a friend sent me a care package filled with all sorts of goodies. 

4. What single achievement are you most proud of?

After the trials of last semester and the summer, I can say that I got more consistent with my academic studies and I read my Bible daily.

5. What was the best news you received?
Well, there were multiple but the two that stand out most are 1. learning that I would advance to second year of med and 2. that I won the Step 1 Question Based Integration Live Online course simply by attending a webinar. That was great news as their courses aren't cheap but are worth every penny!

6. What was your favorite place that you visited in 2014?
Mt. St. Benedict. This is also when I realized that in order to stay sane, I need to take short day-trips of sorts exploring nature and reconnecting with God and resetting my mind, otherwise I can be quite the grouch. This place was simply stunning. The view of Trinidad from the mount allowed me to realize that every so often we all need to take a step back and examine the bigger picture.

7. Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year? 
My determination.

8. Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?
Can it be more than 1? Well during the semester it was definitely my two Bahamian friends Ms. Freeport and Ms. Andros, during the summer it was a friend of mine who motivated me and encouraged me who could relate to what I was going through Ms. India, and through everything it was teampena for sure.

9. Which new skills did you learn? 
How to prioritize and how to weigh pros and cons and needs and wants.

10. What, or who, are you most thankful for?
I'm thankful for the Lord and answering my prayers this year and providing for my family and just opening doors that I couldn't even fathom. Also for relationships formed throughout the semester and for friends who I was able to stay connected to via What's app. I mean where would we be without What'sapp? 

11. If someone wrote a book about your life in 2014, what kind of genre would it be? A comedy, love story, drama, film noir or something else? 

Oh boy! It probably would have started off as a love story with a little suspense throughout.

12. What was the most important lesson you learnt in 2014?

That obstacles, doubters, room for mistakes to occur and for improvement but with hard work, dedication and prayer, all things are possible.

13. Which mental block(s) did you overcome?

Making excuses, getting things done regardless of the state of my dresser drawer and maintaining a positive attitude as much as possible because if you allow negativity to grow it wipes away all forms of joy that you may possess.

14. What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with? 

Well once upon a time this would be easy peasy to answer, however my crowd has gotten smaller, and whenever we're together it's always amazing. I would definitely say Ms. Monique and Mrs. S via What'sapp and Mrs. M also via what'sapp and teampena.

15. What was your biggest break-through moment career wise?

That a-ha moment when I was studying for CNS and the spinal tracts made sense, I literally screamed in excitement. I just can't wait until the lesions all come together like that. 

16. How did your relationship to your family evolve? 

Our communication improved. Since I'm heavily dependent upon my family now that I've returned to school, I had to learn how to discuss things that would affect my finances etc with them. So now openly communicating with them has improved and is still a work in progress.

17. What book or movie affected your life in a profound way? 
I haven't read too much or watched a lot of new movies but what has really impacted me in 2014 was:

Book: The book of Job. I must have reflected on how he was tested and how everything was taken away and yet he still had faith! I want to have faith as strong as Job. 

Movie: The Fault in our Stars. Such a tear-jerker! I won't say anything more. Go watch it and have a box of Kleenex handy. 

18. What was your favorite compliment that you received this year?
Hmm...as I don't pay particular attention to compliments, I can't really recall any favorite compliments but a day ago it did make my day when I was able to discuss a case and hear the difference in lung sounds of a patient we saw. It made me happy to know that the Dr. I was shadowing was pleased to know that I was actively learning and not simply shadowing just because. 

19. What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life?
Morning devotions, my trips to Rituals for a cup of chai latte, making dinner for teampena, grocery shopping, Sabbath's and listening to the praise team sing, studying with my 8tracks playlist in the background, my what'sapp messages from friends, daily emails from Ms. Monique, and teampena's hugs.

20. What cool things did you create this year? 
I started painting and made 3 paintings all for friends although only one actually received theirs, made a really nice banana bread (this recipe is a keeper for sure) and a face mask that made my face extra soft and gave me a little glow.

21.What was your most common mental state this year (e.g. excited, curious, stressed)?
Confused. There were too many times when I just didn't know what was going on or how to feel. 

22. Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year? 
I started my blog! 

23. What was your favorite moment spent with your friends?
Eating pizza, fried eggplant with chutney and washing it down with water and ensure and trying to study for spotter.

24. What major goal did you lay the foundations for?
Being more involved as a student, and I was able to sign up for a mentor and volunteer during the summer at church with VBS which allowed me to become more familiar with the members of the church. 

25. Which worries turned out to be completely unnecessary?

My housing situation.

26. What experience would you love to do all over again? 

Learning how to make Trinidadian dishes from teampena's mom and aunt and just being surrounded by their dialect and being able to comprehend 75% of what was being said since their accent is quite strong. 

27. What was the best gift you received? 
I got quite a few gifts, and I consider them all good...the care package was expected and very thoughtful and came in handy and allowed me to pamper myself which I don't really do often, teampena treated me to a haircut and treatment (he picked up on my cries for a treatment apparently), my little study tortoise I got for my b/day, and the voucher I won from Crysande's Spa and Salon. 

28. How did your overall outlook evolve? 
Well, I became more honest with myself about my goals and my studying and as a result, I was able to change some things and improve a bit. 

29. What was the biggest problem you solved?
Roommates and challenges I've faced with them throughout the year and why. It all boils down to the fact that I expect shared spaces to be clean and left clean for the enjoyment of others and I believe that should go without saying. I was able to learn that not everyone thinks that way and therefore I shouldn't expect things without voicing my expectations.

30. What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it?
Teampena's muscle man poses whenever he comes from the gym. Oh the monkey capers!

31. What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever? 
My pair of leggings and cheap oxfords!

32. What one thing would you do differently and why? 
Structured my studying differently and procrastinated less with working on my PBL problems. Maybe if I didn't procrastinated on PBL I could have investigated the problem differently and came up with differential diagnoses that would have made my studying more beneficial. When studying material that wasn't covered in lecture just PBL,I found myself having to work twice as hard because I didn't comprehend as much on the problems where I didn't prepare properly and it made it harder to put things together. 

33. What do you deserve a pat on the back for? 
For making an more honest effort to improve academically and to continue to help others without expecting anything in return. 

34. What activities made you lose track of time? 
Pinterest and Facebook.

35. What did you think about more than anything else?
How to stick to a routine and get in some exercise time.

36. What topics did you most enjoy learning about?
Respiration. It was covered in about 5 weeks, but it's so intricate and vital and easily bypassed. 

37. What new habits did you cultivate? 
Making breakfast that consisted of 4 egg whites, 1 egg yolk, toast and chai, setting time aside to blog and checking in via what'sapp with my friends. 

38. What advice would you give your early 2014 self if you could? 
Do your best to stick to your "to-do" list as you will get it all done and if you don't you'll end up distracted and wasting precious time. Continue to learn to say no when you know that you really can't take on anything else, and learn that people will come up with an alternative way of getting things done. 

39. Did any parts of yourself or your life do a complete 180 this year? 
I didn't work out as much once summer rolled around, so I got really sluggish and I don't like that at all, but I got to work on new study techniques.

40. What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year? 
My brother and Ms. Monique and Mrs. S! These folks kept it real and maintained positive even when I just kept on complaining. 

Now to 2015

41. What do you want the overaching theme for your 2015 to be?
Persistence. Persistence in my learning, my spiritual, physical, mental and emotional growth, to persist on improving my relationships with others and my encounters with my peers and learning how to be slow to speak, swift to listen and slow to anger.

42. What do you want to see, discover, explore?

See: Asa Wright Nature Centre

Discover: The hype of going "down the islands"

Explore: The history that can be found in the National Museum, Trinidad

43. Who do you want to spend more time with in 2015?
Jesus.

44. What skills do you want to learn, improve or master?

Learn: Watercolor painting

Improve: Calligraphy, history taking and Cardiovascular and Abdominal Examination

Master: Effective communication with peers and patients.

45. Which personal quality do you want to develop or strengthen? 

Humility. 

46. What do you want your everyday life to be like? 
Balanced! I was craving for balance last year and I would like for there to be a balance between school life, love life, volunteer life and family life. 

47. Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of?  
I'd like to cultivate a habit of consistency in everything that I do and annihilate that habit of procrastination and doubt. 

48. What do you want to achieve career-wise?
I'd like for my independent skills review group to improve and to accomplish everything we set out to do in a review session, to actively learn and to ask more questions that would foster the habit of investigative learning and digging below the surface of lecture notes and reading assignments. 

49. How do you want to remember the year 2015 when you look back on it 10/20/50 years from now? 
I want it to be the year where I limits were pushed, academically I achieved and learned a lot and I quite making excuses and experienced life without the strings. 

50. What is your number one goal for 2015?
In everything that I put my hand to do, to be so good, that I can't and won't be ignored. 

How was 2014 for you? What are your goals for 2015? I'd love to hear your answers to the above questions and read more about your year.